Funeral in Berlin

Written by Len Deighton & Reviewed by the Green Vegetable

Harry Palmer (that’s what we’re calling him.  If you have a problem with it, take it up with Michael Caine) arrives to the house of Hallam. They discuss the potential defection of Semitsa, a biotech engineer from the east, but Hallam is quite skeptical.  Hallam wastes no time making himself unlikeable to the reader via bigoted internal monologue,.

Papers provided by Harry’s secretary Jean show that Harry will be Edmond Dorf for his German trip. Like most spy novels, this detail barely matters and 99% of Harry’s conversations will be with other spies that are aware of his real name.  Harry’s boss Dawlish bloviates about the mission and is dismissive of Vulkan, their east Berlin contact and communist shaman.

‘Dorf’ meets with Johnnie Vulkan in Berlin.  Their contact for the Semitsa defection is colonel Stok of the red army.  They meet him and nobody seems to be getting along judging by that passive aggressive kind of dialogue that only British people seem to be able to conduct.

Things start to get fuzzy around chapter six.  Unfortunately, the dull & fuzzy elements of this story do not disappear until the very end of the book.  It begins with ‘Dorf’ getting pulled over on the drive home, only to be escorted to a secret office where colonel Stok is??  How?  Like logistically and chronologically, the two literally just parted ways?  Anyway, Stok is too old to keep up with the young soviets and he’s looking to defect as well, but needs F-you money before he’ll do it.

Chapter 10 switches POV and gives us Vulkan for no good reason whatsoever.  Isn’t this supposed to be a first person story?

Later, Harry gets in a cab and Samantha, some random woman, hops in to chat.  Len Deighton, Rest in Peace my friend, but why does this story consist of such an organic undercurrent of dialogue and character development, only for the plot to constantly be advanced by random spies running into each other randomly at random places for random reasons? You are still espionage royalty to me Len.

Harry sees Dawlish and they accomplish nothing except agreeing to let Harry have a gun. Then Sam contacts him again and off he goes. She flat out sucks. Completely full of herself and entitled to boot.  It was quite cathartic to see her revealed as a Mossad POS at the end of the book.

While the two are out on their pseudo date, Harry’s pal Ossie ransacks her place like it’s a break-in. Later, two randoms try to attack Harry but he stops them with his gun despite getting stabbed in the hand. Turns out these two Germans just wanted to pass him a message? This book is so not doing it for me.

Harry meets Stok again just across the German checkpoint. He’s planning to use a coffin to smuggle Semitsa, then tells him where to find Vulkan.  Harry goes to some Spanish hotel and finds Vulkan at the hotel restaurant. He is there with Samantha…who introduces herself like they’ve never met.  At this dinner Harry says Semitsa’s paperwork is delayed because of a spelling error and Vulkan admits he worked at a concentration camp, but preferred it to the eastern front like most SS.

After dinner, Harry finds Sam and has her deported to USA I think? (she was not deported for long) He’s mad at her for her ruse earlier but they’re all flirty about it?  Five or so chapters later and now Harry meets with Dawlish again only to be told don’t screw up things with Hallam. NOTHING IS HAPPENING.

Harry gets a call from Vulkan, then him and secretary Jean eat together.  After, Harry lays out the plot to Jean:

“Why does it make any difference who this man Broum is or what he did in the war? Our task is just to move one man named Semitsa from East Berlin to London.  And then there’s Semitsa, the crux of the whole problem. When he crosses Zimmerstrasse, he will be Paul Louis Broum, and armed with enough evidence to defy anyone to disprove it. That’s why I want to know who Broum was and why Semitsa should be so desperately anxious to become him.”

Harry and whoever the hell Harvey is eat food then go visit some Jew that actually knew Broum. Harry must know his past because any war crimes will present a problem.  Broum was a half German half Catholic who worked as a French interpreter but became too sympathetic to Jews so they imprisoned him. The Jews considered him too sympathetic to the Germans so they strangled him in his sleep.

Harry goes to meet Tok with some random Czech named Vaclav. And they have an entirely pointless conversation. At one point Vaclan literally asks why Stok is visiting. This book is painfully British in its ability to use so many words and say absolutely nothing. The past 50 pages are just recycled macro arguments about the merits of capitalism vs communism. A bittersweet yet unappetizing spy novel in that it was tragically chosen to honor Len Deighton’s recent passing.

Harry visits some Nazi in east Germany that has a file on Broum, despite the wealth of information he’s already procured. FFS if you’re this worried about his past, why not just get a different identity?

Harry sees Vulkan (randomly) and he complains that four people were pinched this week and subtly accuses Harry of being behind it because he talks to Stok too much. Harry then touches base with Hallam and he says the whole thing is off and it’s out of his hands and it’s because the Russians don’t know a thing about it?? Huh? Harry is peeved.

And in Chapter 42 it appears to be back on. Harry meets with Valkan near the border. A hearse and coffin are there. But lo and behold there is no Semitsa. Harry doubled crossed them, apparently he was only into arresting five other people adjacent to the op? Shoutout ICE. He kills Vulkan and puts him in the coffin, then passes him off to Sam like it’s all going to plan. She pays Harry and departs with the coffin…first good chapter in ages, and frankly a really entertaining way to tie all of these spokes into one hub.

But then another break from first person POV for a Sam chapter. Why? She’s on the way to the airport and she wants to see Vulkan before departing. Oops. She laments the events of the book and surprise surprise, the Mossad agent believes everyone she works with is beneath her.  This chapter did not fit with the rest of the story and there must’ve been a better way to demonstrate the depths of her treachery without resorting to a cheap POV jump.

Now Dawlish and Harry chat. Turns out the Broum family had a large trust set up in Switzerland during the Reich. Anyone that proves they’re a Broum to the Swiss is entitled to the fortune. Valkan insisted on this identity because he intended to use the papers for the cash himself. Sam wanted Semitsa to work for the Israeli government. A perfectly fine plot, but as pointed out earlier, the insistence on the cover being Broum ruined the immersion of the story and now we see why it was forced throughout the plot.

Harry is summoned by Hallam, as he’s appropriately pissed about the mission’s failure.  He wants the Broum paperwork and Harry pretends like they aren’t just sitting in his pocket.  They take it outside and are walking amongst fireworks when Hallam tries to shoot him (how does that get him the Broum papers if he still doesn’t know where they are or that Harry is in possession fo them???) Harry burns him alive with rogue fireworks. Kinda dumb to be honest.

One more Dawlish and Harry chat. They lament Hallam’s death as well as the lengths Valkan was willing to go to pretend to be SS to get money that wasn’t his. They consider the money for themselves but file away the Broum ID paperwork instead.

Len Deighton, you will be missed.  This story will not.  I wish I had just reread the Tennis Trilogy in his honor instead.